Ok..Now THIS is a damn good week so far and it’s only Tuesday!
First, something seriously funny… disturbing…and disgusting, then some cool happy shit, I mean, stuff.
Ok…I know you may be wondering about this picture here. It’s a pretty awful story, but I just could not stop laughing so thought I should share it with you.
Saturday morning…Mr. Wonderful and I take a little trip to a home repair store…A national one, and the place I want my ashes scattered at when I get scooped up…that’s another story.
So there we were, waiting our turn to get a quote on windows and a new door. I figured since I have to paint the walls and put in new flooring, I may as well look into the cost to replace the yucky window and door in the family room.
So anyway…we both decided to visit the bathroom. Both the men’s and women’s bath room have the door open and you can see the sink and hand dryers if you stand outside the doors.
So he goes into his, I go into mine…I pick the first stall, notice the stall door next to it is closed. I sit my ass down for a pee. That’s when I hear the splat noise and see that a ginormous wet shit has plopped onto the floor between me and the stall next to me.
I would like to say I was speechless, but hey, this is me I’m talking about.
I couldn’t help it; this is what came out of my mouth all of a sudden in a loud rush…
OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!
I was so shocked. I finished, flushed and went out to wash my hands. I noticed the poop was still on the floor.
I waited…I just had to see, was this someone with very little control and/or bad eyesight? A kid or a little old lady?
I washed my hands slooowly and waited…Out she came. You see her…Not a kid or an old lady.
Now for the best part.
SHE WORKS AT THE STORE!
As I walked out, I looked over to the floor and sure enough, the splat of poop was still on the floor. I looked up and my eyes met hers.
Did she look embarrassed or ashamed? Nope…not at all, she just calmly started washing her hands, which I found even more bizarre, I mean for cryin’ out loud, hello?, you just dumped on the floor lady.
I waited for Mr. Wonderful to come out of the men’s room. I was so stunned, I was still just kinda shakin’ my head when she walked out of the ladies room and passed the men’s room. I had my phone in hand and I could not help myself, I took her picture. I just had to show this to Mr. Wonderful.
I put the stamp over the big poopers face…not sure if that’s a beaver or a chipmunk covering her head.
Mr. Wonderful saw me as I waited outside the bathroom door, so what does my sweet, kind, loving guy do?
He starts dry humping the hand dryers. Who knew he could get those hips a- movin like that at this age, huh? He is loaded with talent
That was all it took, I was laughing my ass off…well, most of it… I still have plenty of ass left over.
She shit on the floor…geez.
Falafel? If’n ya don’t know what I am talkin’ about, see post from 0724 and 07/28.
She has improved enough that her ventilator tube was removed last night. Yeah!
I texted her and I let her know about all the prayers from everyone. She is clearly still foggy.
This is what she said: “I red it”, “Thank you do much my long”.
I admit it…I bawled like a 2 year old in the car. If she reads this later and rags on me for cryin’, I’m gonna tell her I was just lying about it to make all of you think that I am emotional and that I care.
LOVE her to pieces, so glad she is improving! Wondering what kinda shit she is gonna give me for naming her “Falafel”.
Thank you to all of you who sent your prayers and good wishes.
I will see her tonight.
Happy damn Tuesday!