Ahhhh, geez…. Not Burt Reynolds!
I definitely have some crazy memories of him and his hairy hotness!
My mother had the biggest crush on him ever. She would get this gleam in her eye whenever she talked about him that kinda grossed me out. Remember when you were 12 or 13 and realized what sex was and then realized your mother actually did “it” and it made you wanna barf? Yeah, I was feeling like that up into my twenties when she would talk about Burt Reynolds. Now that I’m an adult I have a better understanding understanding of that “back massager” she had in her bathroom and the magazine of Burt Reynolds with the centerfold with all the hair and his arm hiding his weenie hidden under her mattress in her bedroom.
I was about 12 years old when that magazine came out and I used to study it with a magnifying glass to see if I could get a tiny flash of weenie. I was convinced somewhere in all that hair I was gonna be able to see some dickage.
I was curious LOL
She found out what Burt’s favorite flowers were (antheriums and if you ever wanna see a flower that looks like a dick google that shit!) and sent him a flower arrangement that cost a shitload of money that she could not afford just to get his attention. She sent him fan letters I could tell you the name of every movie he made, what year he made it and who his co-stars were in it from the top of her head. She had magazines and books about Burt Reynolds and every time there was a cover story in a trashy magazine she was right there to buy it. She had a poster of hangin behind her bedroom door.
After I moved out of her place I came back one night for a vist and we went to dinner at Marie Callender’s in Buena Park. As we’re sitting there at a table eating she spots who she thinks is Burt Reynolds. Nope, but close, it was his stand-in, a man named Fred Leaf. I was mortified when she crawled all over this poor man, she even touched his hair on his chest. If cell phones would have been around then I’m sure she would’ve taken a shitload of pictures!
Anyway… I was about 19 or 20 and she made friends with someone who worked at one of the studios here in Hollywood. I realize now the only reason she became friendly with him was so she could get onto that Studio Lot. I’m pretty sure this guy wanted to get into her drawers and she worked him good. I don’t think he ever did get in her drawers but boy she dangled that possibility in front of him so she could get what she wanted out of him, namely a visit to the studio.
I about wanted to die when she told us how he snuck her onto the lot in a little golf cart, past the security gate and security guards, then pestered and begged him until he unlocked the door to Burt Reynolds bungalow and let her go in. She said he stood there and watched her like a hawk and she was pissed cuz she wanted to steal something of Burt’s as a memento but couldn’t cuz he wouldn’t take his eyes off of her. So she told him she had to pee really bad just so she could get into Burt Reynolds bathroom. He bought it. She took great delight in telling us how she peed in Burt Reynolds toilet and then she stole a bottle of his cologne!
Bwahahahhaaha, yep, I definitely am my mother’s daughter!
Ahhh, Burt Reynolds I didn’t appreciate you as a teenager but I realize now just how damned hot you were!
82 years old…somethin tells me if he runs into my mother in the afterlife he really needs to run cuz she will chase his ass down!
I think I may just pop open a bottle tonight and toast Burt Reynolds and my crazy ass mother!
RIP you hairy hottie!