You can drop your shit off at The Cat box. Maybe you want to bitch a bit about something that’s bothering you, someone is pissing you off or you just need some advice. I dig getting your messages. I can’t answer all of your questions, so don’t get all pissy if I don’t post your letter and/or respond to it here on BOCL or in an email to you. Some of your questions can be answered in the FAQ, so take a look there. If’n you don’t find the answer, or I don’t answer you, fuckit…As that horrid song says, “Let it go, let it go”….If you are sending me filthy or mean spirited shit, umm, no, I will not be responding to you…Go away…and…Suck it.
I’m not an expert, I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV. But…I think I give pretty good fucking advice with lots of sick humor and lots and lots of bad words. If you choose to use my advice, great, if not, that’s cool too.
If ya do use my advice and the shit blows up on ya, it aint my fault, so fugeddaboudit ifn you think you should be pissed at me. Any advice I may give you should be considered “tongue in cheek” and you should use your own grown up judgment. If you don’t have any good judgment and are a hot mess that is falling apart at the seams, GO FIND A GOOD THERAPIST. Ask your friends, family or doctor for a referral, there is no shame in needing some real help. Therapy can be some really good shit and it helped my ass a ton!
Dear Farrah, Thanks for your letter. I think its clear what you will need to do here…Throw all of your husbands socks in the trash-he wears sandals from now on. Paper towels only in the bathroom from now on too. He either grows a beard (Duck Dynasty is super popular right now, he’ll fit right in) or if you don’t like the hairy look, take him to a dermatologist and get all of his facial hair lasered off. If none of this works, go get another husband! Like my Poppa used to say: “Babydear, men are like buses, a new one comes by every 15 minutes”.
Dear Hairy and tired, I understand about the lie, I lied to Mr. Wonderful too in the beginning, had he known I had 5 he would have run off! First off, you need to invest in a case of tape rollers! Keep em in every room and in your car and office, they work great. If ya don’t want to do this, then take your clothes off at the door and just hang out naked (literally and figuratively) Sleep? Either get another bed and sleep apart, or take a sleeping pill at night. Those kitties were there first buddy! Good Luck
Dear hurt and frustrated. Time to tell him to get his ass out of the can. Then go buy a vibrator. Each time he spends more than 10 minutes in the shitter, stand outside the door and turn the vibrator on. If this doesn’t get him off the pot, its time for a new boyfriend
Dear “There’s no one listening, What didja say?…Just kiddin! I’m afraid most husbands don’t listen…I think it’s sumthin in the DNA, plus some men can be dumb as a rock! Sit him down and tell him…If I make plans again and you don’t remember or if I tell ya sumthin and you don’t listen I’m gonna havta find a cute young boyfriend that will! If ya don’t wanna do that, go without him and have a great time! You’re fabulous and wonderful and deserve to have fun. Let him stay home and be puey. Good luck! Cheers! BOC