Sooo….I saw something in the news the other day that really made me laugh. I decided I just had to share it.
Reading it made me remember that several months ago I wrote about vaginas and I listed some of the ridiculous slang terms I found.
I said then that I would write about wieners at some point.
Yup, today is the day…
I want to talk about….
Hmmm, I’m pretty sure the plural of penis is…penis.
I’ll get to the thing in the news that made me laugh later….hehe, thing…
It’s just a little tidbit that was pretty funny…hehe…tidbit…
Anyway, I am amazed by how many slang terms there are for “it”, tons more than for a vagina.
These are the ones that had me laughing like a 10 year old.
Anaconda, baby maker, baloney pony, bone, bratwurst, chubby, cock, dangler, dick, ding a ling, ding dong, disco stick, dong, hotdog, Johnson, joystick, junk, kielbasa, knob, love muscle, love shaft, love stick, main vein, Mr. Happy, Mr. Winky, pecker, peen, pee pee, peter, pickle, pocket rocket, pole, prick, pud, rod, salami, sausage, schlong, schmeckel, skin flute, stiffy, tallywacker, thing, third leg, tool, trouser snake, tube steak, unit, wang, wanker, wankie, weenie, wee wee, wiener who who, dilly, willy, winky and lastly…wood…
Now, some of you will say, “Totally inappropriate”, but shit, if ya didn’t notice by now, I dig inappropriate stuff.
Anyway…lately, I have been just inundated with penis stuff and I don’t just mean Mr. Wonderful’s wanker either.
The other day girl spawn mentioned to me that Fred kept “licking his weenie”, which made me laugh when I remembered when she was about 4 or 5 years old and was laying on the floor with Fred and Barney lovin on them. I had just brought them home from neutering them when they both just happened to start cleaning their junkage.
She sat there really quietly studying them. I was watching her and thinkin, “Ahhhh, geez, the questions about penis’s are gonna start now” when she leaned in really close, looking back and forth at each cat’s crotch. About a minute went by of this and I just waited for it. She looked up and proudly announced, “Mom, Barney has a bigger weenie”.
Geez, where does she get this from? Little perv.
So…the article I was reading was about Hitler, you know, the sick fucker who was responsible for murdering over 6 million people.
Anyway, the article said he was a genocidal maniac and speculated it was because of his micropenis.
Apparently, he had an itsy bitsy teeny tiny tiny teeny itsy bitsy tiny teeny…weenie and an undescended nut.
I’m sorry…testicle…laa dee dahh
It then went on to mention The Hypospadias Association, which offers support to people afflicted with the condition, tells us they have hundreds of members, many of whom are successful, high achievers.
Seriously? They have an actual organization…to recognize their…organ?
This shit is real.
Anyway…I had to visit their site.
Yup, they do have a website.
Now I’m sorry, but the first thing I noticed when I visited it was something at the bottom of the page…
“Up coming events”.
I’m sorry, but it made me laugh.
Big babies…Women don’t have an organization for women with small boobies…yes yes I have heard of the itty bitty titty committee, but that’s fake.
Men and their dicks crack me up.
They are so concerned about the size of their junk and they are always grabbin their shit, like they want to be sure it’s still there.
Like baseball players. Always grabbing their junkage.
Can you imagine Rhonda Rousey grabbing her boobs during a fight or Hope Solo grabbing her vagina during a soccer game?
Ah geez…Hope Solo.
I just saw some pretty rank naked pictures of her on the internet.
They were just WRONG.
Ladies…Do NOT take up close pictures of your vagina and asshole and send em to men.
Stupid. Men always want to brag and will show em to their buddies or some asshole will hack your phone and post your nekkid pictures online.
If ya feel the need to send shit like this, I strongly advise you do not have your face or anything else in the picture that would make it easy to identify it’s your stuff.
Oh, back to penis’s.
The thing about wieners is…
If ya got one of em, life and society are a bit gentler, you’ll make more money, you can grab your crotch when you play baseball and you can pee standing up while you write your name in the snow.