Anonymity…depression and menopause

I decided I should write anonymously when I first started my Facebook blog in March 2015.

I did it so I could write personal things about myself that I would not necessarily tell people, so I would have a forum for my sometimes very unpopular opinions and so I could talk shit about people I don’t know, people I do know, people I work with and my bosses at my job.

Like a lot of people, I love my job, but find quite a bit of the management to be seriously fucked up.

In October of last year, I was found out by my HR department.  I wrote about it then on Facebook and ooh, I was a scaredy cat.

Someone told someone who told someone, etc.  At the time, I had only shared with a few close co-workers that I was Bitter old Cat lady.

I panicked when the HR department called me and on the way to the meeting I was requested to attend, I stopped in the bathroom cuz I was sure I was gonna barf.  I ended up praying in the can with the cleaning lady.

When I walked into that meeting, I was a wreck inside, but on the outside I was trying to be cool.  When Ms. Bigwig asked me if I knew why I was there, I said, “Look, I know that you know that I know that you know…you know?’…

Inside, I was thinking “Hmmm…will unemployment pay me after they fire me?”

The HR department was super nice but told me that several complaints had been made about my Facebook blog.

Assholes…if ya didn’t like it, ya shouldn’t have read it, STOOPID!

But because I have followed the company’s policies and procedures (anonymity for myself and never naming where I work or the names of my coworkers or management) I had done nothing wrong.  I knew that, but this is the real world and you could get the boot just because someone does not like your face.

I had actually referred to a management person as a “stupid fucking twat”….

The entire time I was looking at the two bigwig ladies, I was thinking, “They know exactly what you think”…geez.

I was scared at first, but then I figured, “If they fire you, go out and find another job”.  I  walked out of that meeting employed and I can’t tell you how happy I was to not get the boot.

I have been on a leave of absence from my job for about 2 months.  My mental and physical health were in the shitter, for lots of reasons that I have talked about in prior Facebook blogs.

Physically I have not felt good.  I already have some health issues that I deal with daily and I take medication for them.  Depression started kinda spilling over onto me in waves and I found myself sitting at my desk at work turning my chair to the window and crying.   I became snappy and bitchy and rude to my people, at home and at work.

At the time I just thought, “Bitch, ya gotta pull your shit together”.  I didn’t realize that my physical stuff was making my depression worse.  Throw some menopause in and I have been a fucked up, emotional wreck.

I feel much better, and I am heading back to work soon.  I’m happy about it, but I am also thinking “Aaaaah, fuck, I get to deal with the dumbfuckery again”.

I’m also thinking, “How many more people know I am Bitter old cat lady?”

I have been writing for almost a year now, and my identity has mostly been unknown to over 11 thousand people.

That’s a lot of fucking people.  I know there may be some nutjobs in that total,  I am hoping none of them tries to find me and fuck my shit up, ya know?

I knew at some point, more people were gonna find out who the real me is.  I was kinda hoping to stay mostly anonymous.

Yesterday, my website sent an email to about 41 people with my full name.  A glitch.

Shit…

I freaked out just a teensie bit.  Ok, I freaked out a lot.

Listen you 41 people…please do not be nutjobs who are gonna stalk me or show up at my door for dinner.

Not only will I be just a bit pissed, I am not cooking shit for you!

Bottom line…if you know who I am (or you should find out who I am) I would so appreciate it if you would keep that knowledge to yourself.

If ya don’t, I will probably…shit, I  dunno what I will do, but I won’t be too happy.

Happy Fucking Tuesday to all of you.

Ooooh…Tuesday…that means taco Tuesday.

Go out and have a taco….or…offer your own taco to someone…

Geez, I am a pervert, lol.

BOCL

Yup, that’s my face in the cat mask and yes, I know I have a big nose, you should see my ass!