I know I know, where the hell have I been lately?
I’ve kinda been stayin away a bit from the website here for lotsa reasons.
- I was busy as shit planning my birthday wingding (It was fun and Mr. Wonderful was right, I’m only gonna turn 50 once, so I needed to have a party.
- Work-eh…it sucks lately-not fun at all, not interesting and I am bored to shit. My supervisor can be a pain in the ass. She does not understand me or my humor and half the time I want to smack the shit outta her. I don’t think she’s mean or nasty, I think this is just her way and I want to kill her sometimes for it. Mr. Wonderful is worried I’ll get canned for sayin that, so let me add this…it’s all tongue in cheek and I dont really want to kill her and in fact, she and I have gotten to a place where we are really startin to get along.
- Wrapped up in all the shit workin on saving boy spawn from the dipshits at the Marine corp screwing him under because they were idiots.
- Remodeling/redecorating shit here at the house-exhausting and I so need to win the lotto and just hire someone to do everything for me.
- Last but not least-the biggest reason. SPAM.
As of right now, I have 8,560 pieces of spam. It is absolutely killin me…
My wonderful design guy Dimon says he has activated some sort of spam shit, I dunno what, I’m a dumbass with this stuff. I read about the shit he activated and it’s right up my alley-free for bloggers. Anyway, he says it will all be deleted within 15 days. That was 8/29/16 and today is the Oct 4 and the shit is still here. I don’t have the time or energy to look at all that shit.
I’m frustrated right now.
I have to finish up my shirts and set up the page here to sell shit so I can retain my Trademark. I have big dreams and not enough $ to do all of em.
I wanna do shirts and stickers and wine glasses and hoodies and a ton of shit but I need to rob a bank to do it all and to pay for my fab design guy to set up everything.
I don’t want to deal with the bullshit, I just wanna write the bullshit, get it?
On top of all of this, I swear I’m getting fatter. Menopause is horrible shit. The awful hotflash hell, dry skin and bitchy cuntiness is bad enough, but getting fatter is horrible. I’m a vain bitch and I have never had to work out like a fiend, but now, if I don’t start, I’m afraid I’m gonna turn into the blob.
I don’t even like to look at myself naked. Getting varicose veins on the back of my legs is sucky and then my formerly flat stomach aint so flat anymore. Ass getting bigger, like a weird flatness to it and my thighs are just wrong. Only good thing is the boobs and that’s only because they’re store bought knockers.
Gonna leave Wednesday and go see boy spawn graduate from boot camp. When I get home I plan on turning over a new leaf and walking/running/lifting weights. Geez, I have a treadmill and I cannot remember the last time I got onto it. Never enough time.
I’m going to cut back on my wine intake (I’m cryin over that one, shit, I love my wine) hit up my treadmill daily and get my ass moving and I don’t mean jiggling cuz it does that already. I don’t really eat badly, I stay away from friend crap, don’t eat beef and very little pork, love salads and green veggies, my problem is aging, menopause, a shitty thyroid issue (Hashimoto’s) and I’m not moving enough.
Hashimoto’s…Apparently I’m Japanese and no one told me. No, not really, I’m not Japanese. Its a fucked up disorder that causes your body to attack and destroy your thryroid gland. Causes lots of fun shit like weight gain, dry skin, painful joints, hair loss and other crap.
A few weeks ago Mr. Wonderful grabbed my ass cheek while we were laying in bed and said “Everyone has time for jello”.
First off, I don’t even like jello, second, I’m the hottest chick he’ll ever get and and he’s damn lucky to get me, third, uhh, if he thinks he can do better, I’ll help him pack up and leave so he can.
I love him just the way he is and I am completely and wildly attracted to him, but when he made that jello remark, I didn’t just want to kill him, I wanted to cry. Really hurt my feelings. Made me feel fat and unattractive and took me back to my first boyfriend who used to tear me down because he wanted me to be insecure about my looks so that I would think no one else would want me. He was 10 years older than me, not terribly attractive and did everything he could to discourage me from my career choice and to make me feel fat and ugly. Total dick and I’m thankful I got away from him. When it was finally over I was underweight and insecure as shit.
When you grow up with a father that abandons you, you tend to look for older authoritative men who will be dominating and take charge.
Translation: you pick men who are controlling assholes who try to belittle you and make you feel “less than”.
For years that’s what I ended up with. The first boyfriend and then of course Mr. Piece of shit, aka shitbag, ass wipe, dickwad, fuck face, fucktard, dickless wonder, hopeless loser, schmuck, asshole, prick, dipshit, sperm donor, loser, waste of space, douche, hemorrhoid… you know… the ex husband.
You sit back after your shitty marriage is over and try to figure out what part you played in it and what not to do the next time around. I read all the shit about bettering myself and not choosing the same man again and about 5 years after Mr. Piece of shit left, I got involved with -an older authoritative man who tried to dominate me and take charge.
Fuuuckk…Took me over a year to figure that one out and I gotta say-I could talk a lotta shit and trash him, but I’m grateful for the experience.
When Mr. Wonderful said that to me you can bet I sat back and took a long hard look at him. Did I make the same mistake again? Did I choose another controlling ass who wants to tear me down so I’m too insecure to think anyone else will love or want me?
Or am I a neurotic pain in the ass that picks shit apart and Mr. Wonderful was just being silly?
All of the above….but I’m watchin him now.
Will get my ass to work on all this shit next week.
Lotta ass and lotta work…