The Cat Box
...What happens in the catbox stays in the catbox
Send your questions or requests for advice to: bitteroldcatlady1@gmail.
You can drop your shit off at The Cat box. Maybe you want to bitch a bit about something that’s bothering you, someone is pissing you off or you just need some advice. I dig getting your messages. I can’t answer all of your questions, so don’t get all pissy if I don’t post your letter and/or respond to it here on BOCL or in an email to you. Some of your questions can be answered in the FAQ, so take a look there. If’n you don’t find the answer, or I don’t answer you, fuckit…As that horrid song says, “Let it go, let it go”….If you are sending me filthy or mean spirited shit, umm, no, I will not be responding to you…Go away…and…Suck it.
DISCLAIMER
I’m not an expert, I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV. But…I think I give pretty good fucking advice with lots of sick humor and lots and lots of bad words. If you choose to use my advice, great, if not, that’s cool too.
If ya do use my advice and the shit blows up on ya, it aint my fault, so fugeddaboudit ifn you think you should be pissed at me. Any advice I may give you should be considered “tongue in cheek” and you should use your own grown up judgment. If you don’t have any good judgment and are a hot mess that is falling apart at the seams, GO FIND A GOOD THERAPIST. Ask your friends, family or doctor for a referral, there is no shame in needing some real help. Therapy can be some really good shit and it helped my ass a ton!
My Catnip
QUESTIONS: For answer, click on question
Dear Bitter Old Cat Lady, Like most women (I assume) I'm having trouble teaching my husband to NOT put his dirty socks on the table, NOT wipe his mouthful of toothpaste on our decor towels and NOT leave facial hair all over the bathroom sink yadda yadda bitch bitch...am I or does he need to straighten up his act? Please HELP! Thank you, Farrah
Dear Farrah, Thanks for your letter. I think its clear what you will need to do here…Throw all of your husbands socks in the trash-he wears sandals from now on. Paper towels only in the bathroom from now on too. He either grows a beard (Duck Dynasty is super popular right now, he’ll fit right in) or if you don’t like the hairy look, take him to a dermatologist and get all of his facial hair lasered off. If none of this works, go get another husband! Like my Poppa used to say: “Babydear, men are like buses, a new one comes by every 15 minutes”.
Good Luck!
Dear Bitter Old Cat Lady, My girlfriend has 5 cats. Three of them are orange, for a long time I thought they were 1 cat. I was upset that she lied to me and pretended to only have 3, but I have forgiven her and moved on. My problem is all the cat hair on my clothes and trying to find room in bed with her. She insists they all sleep with us . Not only is there little room for me, I cant get any rest. Im losing patience,can you help? Hairy and tired
Dear Hairy and tired, I understand about the lie, I lied to Mr. Wonderful too in the beginning, had he known I had 5 he would have run off! First off, you need to invest in a case of tape rollers! Keep em in every room and in your car and office, they work great. If ya don’t want to do this, then take your clothes off at the door and just hang out naked (literally and figuratively) Sleep? Either get another bed and sleep apart, or take a sleeping pill at night. Those kitties were there first buddy! Good Luck
Dear Bitter Old Cat Lady, My question is about sex. My boyfriend and I have great sex, but he spends so much time on his phone or ipad, holed up in the bathroom instead of being with me. I am hurt and frustrated.
Dear hurt and frustrated. Time to tell him to get his ass out of the can. Then go buy a vibrator. Each time he spends more than 10 minutes in the shitter, stand outside the door and turn the vibrator on. If this doesn’t get him off the pot, its time for a new boyfriend
Dear bitter old cat lady, my husband never listens to me. I make plans and discuss them with him but when it comes time for the actual plans to happen he says he doesn’t remember. I’m trying to keep those open lines of communication open, it’s hard when there’s no one listening. I’m not sure what to do.
Dear “There’s no one listening, What didja say?…Just kiddin! I’m afraid most husbands don’t listen…I think it’s sumthin in the DNA, plus some men can be dumb as a rock! Sit him down and tell him…If I make plans again and you don’t remember or if I tell ya sumthin and you don’t listen I’m gonna havta find a cute young boyfriend that will! If ya don’t wanna do that, go without him and have a great time! You’re fabulous and wonderful and deserve to have fun. Let him stay home and be puey. Good luck! Cheers! BOC
Dear bitter old cat lady, my husband never listens to me. I make plans and discuss them with him but when it comes time for the actual plans to happen he says he doesn’t remember. I’m trying to keep those open lines of communication open, it’s hard when there’s no one listening. I’m not sure what to do.
Dear I’m not sure what to do…I’m so sorry for the late delay, I’ve had some issues with my website that are being worked on; as soon as they are corrected I will post your question and an answer. Thanks so much for bein here! 🙂
Dear “There’s no one listening,
What didja say?…Just kiddin! I’m afraid most husbands don’t listen…I think it’s sumthin in the DNA, plus some men can be dumb as a rock! Sit him down and tell him…If I make plans again and you don’t remember or if I tell ya sumthin and you don’t listen I’m gonna havta find a cute young boyfriend that will! If ya don’t wanna do that, go without him and have a great time! You’re fabulous and wonderful and deserve to have fun. Let him stay home and be puey. Good luck! Cheers! BOCL